of the many streets, trains, and bus rides

INCUBUS

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 16:55:15 GMT

I just saw Incubus in the flesh tonight.

Scratch one of my " Things-to-do-before-i-die" list

Badtrip lang they gave me a CD when i already bought one.

Now to watch a world cup final match live.

SPOT.PH FRIENDS!

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 10:55:46 GMT

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 06:10:26 GMT

i quit my job. i'm going for media now. i'm scared and i don't know why. maybe because i pressure myself to succeed. that in my age i should be well my way to that big fat paycheck. that i should be in a stable company that most old people say i should be in. that i should have a car. that i should be paying for my house. that blah blah blah blah. i just want to go back to the days when i didn't give a shit. but those days are over. i want to be a kid again. i am very immature. but it is immature to want to be a kid again? am i too young to want that? i know what i want but i'm scared to reach for it. competent? someone should hit me over the head. i want to go to the beach for 3 days and 2 nights. i need to get my confidence back. i think that big company took it from me when i stayed there for 2 weeks. think they made me think that what i was doing with my life was worthless. testify. now. money? we have plans and i want to fulfill them. i want to do what i want to do but i want to reach that goal. what do i do?

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 13:15:46 GMT

i'm not loving my job.

but then again, are you supposed to love your job?

my cellphone was... STOLEN!

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 02:56:13 GMT

damn bastards.

and NTC said that it would take 2 weeks before the actually block the sim and phone.

new number: 09166360385

aowimfd

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 13:41:04 GMT

i don't know what to do. i want to get a job and a former boss is offering me one but i don't like the nature of the job anymore but it pays good with great benefits and good working time but the nature of the job really i don't think i'll last but im considering it because i've just been working for 2 years and lotsa big companies don't like people who have only been employed for 2 years and have a tag price like mine but the former boss is willing to give me the same salary of where i went plus benefits but im thinking i won't be able to get the necessary experience but hey they don't have a dresscode and it's near the girl so hey... i don't know.

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 14:48:17 GMT

It's only usually the times that i find myself in front of my computer at 10 in the evening and checking my personal accounts that i actually find the time to write here which is certainly a big change for me. As i remember when i made my very first online journal all those years ago i couldn't help writing everyday. But the person i am now reads little (but i'm now reading jhumpa lahiri), writes only when supposed to, takes photographs when he's told to, edits endless videos that are really crap anyway because of the rush, and has somehow learned the relatively difficult art of solitude. Strangely, i go to a lot of social events but i somehow feel detached from all the partying going on. It's the usual days that make me feel as if i am actually participating.

I guess this is the fate of all those who put "deviance" first in their early years and are thrown into the 'corporate' world. To be in the middle, in a sort of social and mental limbo where the only consolation you can find is your fifteen minute cigarette break or the occasional film festival in Cubao (i am endorsing gateway by the way).

The truth is, there will never be a solid enough ground for any "individual" to stand on. The "individual" has never and will never exist. Not in this setting. I used to think it could, but experience tells me otherwise.

Tribu

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 04:45:58 GMT

AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE MOVIE TRAILER

Sat, 05 May 2007 04:56:44 GMT

http://movies.getzmo.com/trailers/trailer.php?id=187

dayumn im watchin this!!

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 09:41:09 GMT

i need a life

pssshhhh

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 15:35:22 GMT

Kamenoko Tawashi

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 12:16:55 GMT

this year's holy week is a lonely one.

i've been quite used to silence but this time it just seems unbearable

no it isn't

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 00:42:55 GMT

from years ago, maybe you will understand

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 13:14:43 GMT

July 4th, 2005

"I've often asked myself why I decided years ago that I wanted to write, write in the creative sense. two years ago I could have answered anyone who'd ask me "Why do you write?" that I love writing. But when think about it now, I'm not really sure I meant that. The truth is, i don't really love writing that much. I mean love in the way my friends love it. And the love that I'm mentioning is the love that you would immediately sense in a person when he/she talks about it. There is the feeling of steady passion. It's as if that person were sharing something painful and beautiful. I could never talk about my writing in that way, only other people's.

Or maybe this is just a "thing". I always seem to have these "things" when something big is going to happen, whether by my will or by the inevitable will of time.

In any case, i find myself more in the visual now. Or like writing, maybe it's just a "thing". But I do love the things that I'm talking about here. Maybe I can't talk about it as passionately as others, but i would like to think that maybe because I still am here and still writing and taking photos or whatever, I do love what I'm doing. I've always taken a liking to works that required little words to get themselves across. I seem to be contradicting myself but that's okay since this is my journal.

I like variation in the things that I do. In fact, I'd like to think that my works feed off each other. Each and every piece is representative of the self, they say. I would just like to keep on seeing what this "self" of mine is.

But hey, i'm relatively good in Math. :("

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 08:28:26 GMT

mai tan madaya ka!!

first lame attempt at designing a bookmark

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 01:01:59 GMT

before i forget

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 01:19:08 GMT

it was a sunday afternoon when i lost 500 pesos. i was handing the cashier in subway my pay for the sandwich i ordered (which i still remember, italian bmt). the cashier asked for a smaller bill so i looked in my wallet. luckily i had 140 pesos which was enough for the sub. i was still holding the 500 peso bill then. when she handed me the receipt, that was the time that i couldn't remember where the 500 peso bill went.

it was gone.

a few theories that i have in mind:

1. im going senile
2. someone stole it. they say thieves are very adept at stealing these days. in a blink of an eye thing
3. alien abduction
4. buddha telling me that money isn't that important
5. something's wrong with me
6. this overly stressful jobbbbbb
7. i wanna go to singapore. take me with you
8. i want an ipod video. traveling to distant places like canlubang absolutely calls for harvey birdman attorney at law

hohum

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 05:06:33 GMT

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 15:46:43 GMT

screwed up posting

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 14:08:46 GMT

ouch

*nikon has the best software

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 10:17:27 GMT

EDIFICE

what a word

dammit murakami...

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 12:28:40 GMT

"Fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step."

and yes, people will bleed. but i suppose i will bleed the most.

i am weak

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 15:01:33 GMT

she said to me that i would not be who i am today if i had not made the decision to be firm. she said this as she was taking a drag of her cigarette. these instances were far too familiar to me. our talks of responsibility growing more frequent. i have always considered the smoke she exhaled to be an art form. i was always drawn to its curves, the way it moved.

when i was little i would see her passed out, her cigarette still lit. i would pretend that i was a grown up by taking in a few puffs from her half finished stick. i loved the smoke that was coming out of my mouth. i would try to hold them but i could not. it was as if they were never there. and now my liking for the shapes and fluidity of the smoke has brought me here- a cigarette in hand and a place that i do not want to be in.

"darling you have not been honest"
"that thought has never occured to me"
"but you know now. you have the scars to prove it"
"that is not the nature of a scar"
"nature of a scar?"
"scars are more connected to honesty than dishonesty"
"you think you know everthing"
"i do, sometimes"
"that you do. but this time you have no idea"
"i know"

she takes another drag from her cigarette. i watch as i have always have. i do not speak because it is forbidden. i do not speak because i cannot. i have never learned how to truly speak. that is why though my words may seem coherent, they are empty, empty because no one has ever understood. I only speak when spoken to. therefore all my words only make reference to something else outside of myself.

it is a rule that if you utter words that seem like garbled nonsense to everyone, then you have no voice.

"my maturity has always been an illusion"
"I do not understand"
"you are not the first one"
"if the only one who understands you is yourself then you do not exist."

Sat, 07 Oct 2006 04:02:45 GMT

the right things happen at the wrong time
the wrong things happen at the wrong time

and it was airplanes and elephant rides all over again

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 07:39:53 GMT

last night ung hee and i met up for drinks and billiards. that night, i was reminded of how much i really want to study again. ung hee has traveled to many parts of the world and i found myself somewhat envious. i myself dream of that nomadic life. traveling to one country after another. but of course, the downside to that is that you will be leaving many things in your home country. i love my home and i love the many strange and wonderful things about it. i am torn. but the bottomline here is that i want to study abroad. note the difference- "study", and not "work". i feel that studying here will not let me grow. like a lot of people, this is how i express hopelessness in my country. i believe that i cannot grow here at this stage of my life. but i really want to come back here when i feel that i have accumulated enough knowledge to help in moving the country forward. or whatever.

i feel sad and i don't know why. like how i felt when i was still in college. and i don't necessarily welcome it, but i don't really mind that i'm feeling this way either. melancholy- a very strange thing. it's not a bad thing but it's not a good thing either. maybe it's because i'm starting to write again. damn job.

and i just have to mention that i'm using a mac laptop. they let me bring it home from work. ahahaha! yeah...